I’m being a slacker tonight and writing this from bed when I should be getting ready for work…  Okay, I’m not totally slacking off, I’m just ill.  I guess food poisoning is one way to cut back on the fast food that I love so dearly.  Any-who just wanted to take a few minutes to post some things that have been on my mind (also procrastinating from studying for the exam I have tomorrow morning).

Clearly this isn’t a light-hearted, happy go lucky fashion post.  I’ve recently had other things on my mind.  Don’t worry, I won’t go into it.  I’m not exactly a “spill your guts” type of person.  But I will say I feel like I am slowly watching a friendship disintegrate before my eyes.  This is a friendship that I have had for YEARS…  I’m talking 15+.  We have had our ups and our downs and always seemed to come through it, at least on the outside.  Deep down though things haven’t been the same for a while.  We had an issue a few years back, we have since made up and gone on about our business but I’ve always held back a little since then.  Now I feel like this person is pulling away and rather than fight to hold on, I am pushing a little from my side too.  I’m not upset over the thought of losing this friend and I think that is the saddest part.

Because I don’t open up and spill my guts very easily, I also have a difficult time making friends.  Let me rephrase that.  I have a difficult time making true friends, the kind of friends you can tell anything and know they will always love you and won’t judge you.  I have plenty of friendly acquaintances but only a couple true friends and the majority of them do not live in the same time zone as me at this time.  In fact, I’ve only got the one.  The only reason I’m upset at the distance I feel growing between us am putting between us is because I’m afraid I will be lonely without them.

Last night I asked my other time zone bestie if she would run away with me.  No questions asked, she said absolutely.  Sure it was a joke and we aren’t really running away, both of us are too responsible to do that.  But I would be lying if I said a change of scenery and a change of pace hasn’t been crossing my mind more and more.  I’m over the life I’ve lived here.  I came back thinking it was for the best but I forgot that moving backwards doesn’t allow you to move forward.  What does this mean for my future?  Who knows…  Hopefully good things.

XO,

FR

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